The Value of Sportsmanship in Tennis
A friend of mine just returned from a three-week trip to Japan and told me a story I found impossible to believe. This same story also brought tears to my eyes.
It occurred at the end of a long day of shopping in Kyoto. She was in a very high-end department store and it was closing time. As she walked toward the exit door, she witnessed a scene that one will never ever see in the United States. The entire staff of the store, including the top executives, were lined up forming a two-column path to the exit. And as each shopper walked out, the staff bowed silently to them in a show of respect and gratitude. That story alone could motivate me to go to Kyoto for a vacation.
This is what one calls “etiquette” and most obviously it is lacking both on American streets and on the playing field. Do you recall those charming throat-slashing gestures that NFL players loved to act out in the end zone after a touchdown. The crowds and opponents were so appalled by these acts of rudeness that the commissioner was forced to fine each player $25,000 if they dared to do it again.
One can argue that sports etiquette and winning in sports do not mix, given the high level of competition that athletes now face. Over the last 50 years, all things have changed. I was recently asked to give a talk to the student body at Iona College, my alma mater. In 1969, I played number one on their golf team and even won some tournaments. As I was introduced to Iona’s current D-I team, it was very clear to me that I would not even make the team now. Such is the rising caliber of competition now faced by young athletes. With extremes of competition come extremes of pressure and aggression. Add that all up and you can kiss etiquette and sportsmanship goodbye.
Of course there is something very sad about that. Etiquette is a form of behavior that was once taught by parents, but is now something that kids have to learn on their own. I once interviewed Patricia Napier-Fitzgerald, founder of the Etiquette School of New York. She told me that good manners makes our interactions pleasant, reflect upon our character, family, town and company. There is research out from both Harvard and Stamford which shows that new hiring and promotions are based upon soft skills like manners rather than technical skills. These are findings that do not surprise us.
The conundrum is that sports are not all business and maybe good manners do not help the cause of winning. But if you are a parent raising a young tennis player with the hopes that they will garner a scholarship, you would do well to teach your child sportsmanship and social rituals like friendliness, clean language, good eye contact with the opponent, and a warm handshake of either condolence or congratulations after the match. Future coaches are watching that as closely as they watch a player’s forehand and serve.
How to teach sportsmanship
One teaches sportsmanship with verbal repetition and role modeling. The young tennis player will listen if the parent or coach tells them to be polite and gracious during a match. They will listen if you show them how to shake hands and say congratulations to the opponent. The coach can have this as a core philosophy of their practice sessions.
Tennis is a game, and as such, it ought to be fun and edifying to all players. This occurs in only two ways. One must express one’s talent on the court and this gives you a sense of pride and pleasure. One must also show a sense of humanity and kindness to the opponent as well. This instills the match with goodness and even joy.
If you teach your young player to do these two things, they will go very far both on the courts and in life.
